A disappointment

At the ripe old age of 32, I know that life is filled with disappointment. Whether you have a charmed life or not, things are not always going to work out the way you'd hoped. I have come to accept this truth in my own life, but yesterday it suddenly occurred to me that now I have to accept it for another person's life, a tiny person, one so bright-eyed that I'd rather endure the most horrible disappointment imaginable than watch her deal with one ounce of it. And that, my friends, is called motherhood. Luckily, we're not talking about any life-altering disappointment here, just a little cancelled ballet class, but it was enough to bring one of us to tears (that would be me).

Ella has been talking about going to "ballerina" class for quite some time. She loves nothing more than to twirl and leap in full ballerina costume, and she has been begging us to take a dance class for at least four or five months. I waited until she turned three, then began pursuing a class that would be a good introduction- low-key, nothing too intense. I avoided places that advertised the number of awards they'd won, or the ones with glossy pictures of ten-year-olds trussed up like 1930's prostitutes. I found an inexpensive place near our house that advertised a fun, non-competitive, no recital, no polyester costume sort of dance class perfect for a wee one just starting out. About two weeks ago, I signed her up. Since that day, we've been talking about it. At least three times a day, she would ask me, "Is my ballerina class today, Mommy?" Finally, the day arrived, and I picked her up early from daycare, leotard and ballet shoes in hand, and we talked about what it meant to be in a dance class the whole way there.

Then we walked in the door, and there was no one else there, and the girl behind the counter looked surprised to see us. I tried to ignore all of these warning signs.

"We're here for the ballet class?" I said, both of our smiles plastered to our faces.

The woman did not return the smile.

"Oh gosh. I completely forgot to call you. That class was cancelled due to low enrollment."

My heart sank. Ella's head fell to my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," the woman said. "This never happens. I just completely forgot to call."

Normally, in times like these, I would have simply said, "Oh that's okay. No big deal." I am quick to forgive peoples' mistakes. That's the number one rule of life my mother taught me. "You can't get mad at people when they do something by accident." And this has always been a relatively easy rule for me to follow, but at that moment I realized that someone disappointing me feels a lot different than someone disappointing my little girl.

I didn't say anything. I wasn't mean, but I didn't tell her it was okay, and our sullen faces revealed our feelings. Of course, if the woman had called me the day before, the class still would have been cancelled. Ella still would have been sad, but to walk in there with her leotard and shoes all ready to go was more than I could handle. 

We walked out of the building and sat on the steps so I could explain things to her.

"The ballet class was cancelled, buddy."

"What's cancelled?"

"It means that there isn't going to be a class."

"Why?"

"Not enough kids wanted to go."

"Why didn't they want to do it?"

"I don't know. Because they're really silly, but we'll find another ballet class, okay?"

"Right now?"

"No, not right now, buddy. Now we have to go home."

The look on her little face just crushed me. I couldn't hold it in. It came at the end of a very bad day I'd had, and I just couldn't control myself. I started blubbering like an idiot on the drive home.

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

"I just feel really bad that you couldn't take your class today."

"It's okay, Mommy. We'll find another class."

She held my hand as we drove home, and I realized that she was going to be fine. It was just a dance class, afterall, not a broken heart, or a cut from the volleyball team, or a rejection letter from her top-choice college. It was the first of many disappointments in her life, and I realized that I was going to have to experience all of them with her, so I'd better suck it up and show her "It's okay," even when I feel like it isn't.

And I know I won't be able to fix every disappointment in her life, but for now, it's nothing a little Swan Lake and a popsicle can't fix. Thank God for YouTube and for little girls who are a lot tougher than their mothers.

My own little 'Lympian'

This summer has been all about the Olympics, or as Ella would say the "Lympics" and our house has been no exception. My husband could spend all day, everyday watching whatever sport is on (handball, ping pong, race walking- yes, that is a legit sport in the Olympics), and Ella has started to follow suit. While we get her lotioned, and brushed, and diapered, and dressed after her bath at night, she usually watches a show to keep her sitting and distracted. Lately, we will ask her if she wants to watch one of her shows or the Olympics, and sometimes she says, "Lympics- I want to watch swimming." While she will watch other sports, swimming seems to be her favorite. She is fascinated by how quickly those men and women can race down the length of the pool, "really fast like an otter," and how they wear goggles and go "all the way under water." She likes to jump on the bed naked and yell, "USA! USA!" as if it really means something to her.

Swimming as her sport of choice is not really random. She has spent a lot of time in the pool this summer figuring out the whole swimming thing for herself. Recently, we went shopping for flotation devices and I let her pick the one she wanted to wear. It is a pink number with one floaty in the back and one in the front that are attached between her legs. From the minute we bought it, she has been asking to wear it in the pool, "so I don't sink."

The thing that amazes me most about this girl is how physically adept she is. As with rolling over, crawling, and walking, she pretty much learned how to swim in a week. Our neighbors who have a pool went away and gave us full reign of the backyard, so Ella B was in their pool everyday, two hours a day, for five days straight. In that time, she went from asking me to hold her, to telling me to let go of her, to learning to kick her legs, to learning how to swim away from me, saying, "Bye! I'm going to New York City!" She also likes to jump into the pool from the ladder and tells me to "move back, Mom. No, farther!"

Because I was never an athlete, I am constantly in awe of  her fearlessness, her determination, and her understanding of how to use her body to learn something. I know she is only two, but I think all these traits are the mark of a true athlete. I'm certain that sports will come easily to her, and I'm looking forward to standing on the sidelines and cheering her on- my wide eyes full of admiration and wonder. 

Summer Olympics 2028, here we come!

Ella B in NYC

Phase three of embracing the disaster came in the form of a little trip to New York City. Jessica has been asking us to come to New York for ages, and I finally decided Ella B and I were ready for the excursion. It helped that Jess was home that day and we were all able to board the train together and head down. Ella loved the train. She spent most of the time staring out the window, or "ruining" the pictures Jess was trying to color. She keeps telling people she went on a big school bus, but it was definitely a train.

Once we got there, we headed over to the Central Park Zoo. All Ella cared about was seeing the polar bear, so we were really hoping he would be out and about. Mr. Polar Bear did not disappoint, and ever since she has been imitating his swimming style. She wasn't really into any of the other animals, so we went to the petting zoo where she could get her hands on some goats, llamas, cows, etc. and that perked her up, but what she was really excited about was the pigeons. This girl is a true animal lover and all she wants to do is pet and cuddle every animal she sees. Much to her chagrin, wild birds don't really like to be pet. So, she spent about ten minutes focused on chasing a pigeon. I assumed her efforts were futile, until, of course, she actually caught the pigeon! Everything about the trip paled in comparison to that.

 Another highlight was seeing a random guy dressed as Elmo. Ella just about died, and it wasn't until we snapped some pictures with him that I noticed his knee pads and fanny pack. Weird.

 We met Alan for lunch at a nearby pub that also has tables you can write on with crayons, a score for anyone trying to actually eat food with a toddler present. 

Finally, we headed over to Dylan's Candy Shoppe and blew Ella's mind once more with a lollipop the size of her head. The whole place is decorated with bright colors, booths shaped like giant cupcakes, and even a bar. I really think this would be the perfect place for a kid or an adult party.

As we headed back to the train station after a fun-filled day, Ella promptly fell asleep in the stroller covered in lollipop, sunscreen, and sweat looking so disgusting that people were giving me dirty looks. I didn't care. Her disheveled appearance was the mark of a truly great day. 

The Whole Wide World

Major adventure number two of the summer was a girls only mini-vacation to Cape Cod. One of my girlfriends from work has a house in Dennisport, so Amy, Ella, and I headed up there last week to enjoy a few days of girls only fun. I, of course, was petrified to be on vacation with my little two going on sixteen ball of toddlerness, but I went anyway. I decided today actually that the theme for this summer is "Embrace the Disaster." There was really no chance that Cape Cod was going to go perfectly. I was with a two-year-old, without my husband, and in an unfamiliar place. Because Ella was such a difficult baby and we were forced to put her on a really strict routine about where and when she slept, she has become accustomed to that routine and doesn't do well with change. She likes her crib, her bath tub, her stuff, and her space, so there were bound to be some tantrums and tears.

There were definitely some difficulties along the way. She cried pretty hard the first night when I put her down to sleep, but it only lasted about fifteen minutes. She wouldn't nap in the pack n' play, but she did sleep for a good two hours in the car. There were some bratty moments here and there, but there was also this glorious thing called "the beach." Everyone knows that I am not a beach person (reference any picture available of my translucent skin). I have always found it to be pretty hot and sandy and boring, and I wasn't really looking forward to spending three days lounging on the shore. Of course, once you have a child, there's never really any lounging anyway, which turned out to be a good thing for us. I realized that while I don't really like being a grown-up on the beach, I do still like being a kid on one. It turns out that building sand castles, giving Ella mermaid legs, collecting shells, and running from "sharks" (a.k.a Amy) in the water is just as much fun now as it was when I was a kid, maybe even more so because now I get to see the glint of fun and excitement in her eyes as well.

One moment in particular that I will remember was when we swam out "really deep" as Ella would say and turned to look back at the shore. She held out her arm in a very grown-up sweeping motion and said, "The whole wide world." I don't know where she got that phrase, or what she meant by it, but it felt like an important moment to me. It felt like she was telling me, "Pay attention, Mom. This is a good moment. Be here with me right now and breathe it in." And I did. I let everything else go, and I relished the sun on my face, the water all around, and the little girl with her arms around my neck, and I was so glad to be seeing the "whole wide world" with her.

A special thanks also to Amy and Ali for making that trip happen, and for being so patient with my little one. She can't wait for her next "bacation."

Operation Awesome Summer: The Sequel

This post is coming in a bit late, mostly because "Operation Awesome Summer: The Sequel" is off to a bit of a slow start. If you read the first post in this series "Operation Awesome Summer" than you know that I am not always very good at summer vacation. I know, all you none summer vacation people are thinking that I am a big jerk, but every year it seems my good intentions amount to very little tangible summer fun, and when people ask, "So what'd you do this summer?" I reply a harrumph and say, "nothing" like a grumpy teenager after school. But just as last summer was way better than my first summer as a mom, I think this summer has the potential to be even better. In my personal experience, since one-year-olds are way better than babies, than two-year-olds must be way better than one-year-olds. Therefore, with the advent of the regular nap and the improvement in communication and motor skills, summer should just keep getting better and better. These were my thoughts as summer got underway this year, and I was excited to be able to spend my days running and playing with my full-fledged kid.

Who could have guessed that it would be me who derailed our best laid plans, not Beezer? On day two of summer vacation (that's right- day two) I decided to be productive and get a little weeding done with the beeze. We have some pretty unruly weeds growing behind our shed and I wanted to take advantage of Ella's love of dirt and worms to both play and get something done, every mother's goal for a day spent with a child. Being the absent-minded bonehead that I am, I failed to notice the poison ivy I pulled out of the ground and apparently rubbed all over my face (really? my face?). Two days later, my face looked like that witch from last season's True Blood had put a hex on it, and I was officially miserable. I didn't want to go in the sun, or be around people, and sitting in the house made me think of nothing but itching. Ella was going stir crazy, I was going itch crazy, and it all turned into a grumpy summer mess just two weeks in. I admit, I gave myself a good long time to wallow. Then, I rubbed some Calamine lotion on my face and said, we need to do something fun.

It had to be something special if it was going to jolt me out of my poison ivy funk. It also had to be cool (both in temperature and fun factor). The solution to this problem is called Kid City. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. It is essentially a giant house filled with room upon room of imaginary worlds. Ella was particularly fond of the fishery where she collected fish off a conveyor belt and carried them to another conveyor belt (honestly, she would have spent the whole day there. I am seriously considering getting a conveyor belt and a bunch of plastic fish). She also liked the fence that you could "paint" with water and brushes. Okay, looking at this description from your perspective, it doesn't sound too great, but I am telling you that there is a lot of stuff to do besides sorting fish and painting fences. Check it out.

Anyway, it was the kind of easy, fun morning we needed to get ourselves back on track. We've got a week chock full of plans ahead of us including playground excursions, library storytimes, and even camping (more on that later). Here are some of the other summer plans we have in store:

1. Cape Cod
2. New York City
3. Beardsley Zoo
4. Maritime Museum
5. Stepping Stones
6. Brooksvale Park
7. Hiking up a big mountain (per Ella's request)
8. Swimming
9. Visiting family and friends
10. Not getting poison ivy

That last one isn't very fun, but is one of my new summer priorities. Hope you guys are having a fun, itch-free summer yourselves.

At the lake with Auntie Caca

A few weeks ago, Ella B and I were lucky enough to spend the day with my best friend in the whole wide world, Jessica, who left the hustle and bustle of the city to spend a relaxing day in the country with two of her favorite girls. Eventually, Ella began affectionately referring to her as "Caca" which seemed to be just about the best idea ever, as far as I was concerned. We brought Auntie Caca to the lake and the playground and had a totally awesome day playing in the water and sliding down the big swirly slide. Here are some highlights:

The ladies in their bikinis (sidenote: Jessica's bathing suit had little skulls dangling from the strings and Ella kept calling them "babies"- kinda creepy)

Enjoying the cool water with a noodle nearby

Doing a little digging

Not a care in the world, especially since her bathing suit comes with a modesty skirt to hide those problem areas.

And one last kiss before I go...

No Kidding

This past weekend I had some good old-fashioned no baby fun. Of course I love Ella B and the time I spend alone with her and the time we spend together with Michael, but often mothers forget how important it is to nurture other, non-mom parts of themselves as well.

Enter my good friends Amy and Alex, two non-moms who know how to have a great time. On Friday, Ella went to school and Alex, Amy, Bowie the beagle, and I hiked up to a hidden little gem of a spot on the edge of Bethany. It’s not an easy hike, but well worth the effort. From the top, we could see all of Bethany, Woodbridge, and all the way to the water in New Haven. It is one of the most spectacular views around and a really quiet, peaceful place to relax with a couple of really awesome girls. I didn’t take any pictures all weekend, as I was too busy having fun, but I do wish that I had snagged a shot of this view for you all. We hung out on the mountain for a while and then headed over to Delaney’s for a nice lunch on the patio.

That night, I joined Alex, her sister Betsy, and Alex’s friend Nikki for a girl’s night out on the town, something I haven’t done in a very long time. We partied well into the wee hours of the morning and I saw numbers on the clock that I hadn’t seen since I had a newborn. The next day, Michael and I headed up to New Hartford for a canoeing expedition down the Farmington River with Amy, her husband Mike, and several of their friends for Mike’s birthday. I was a little nervous about the whole canoe thing, (and let’s be honest- a little hung over) but since this is the summer of doing fun stuff, I figured that Operation: Awesome Summer applies to me as well as Beezer. As I turns out, I kill at canoeing and Michael and I are actually a good little team. He was actually quite impressed with my canoeing abilities and we were one of the few boats that didn’t flip over. We gave each other a little high five at the end. We called home to find that Beezer was already asleep and figured that we mine as well go out to dinner. About two minutes later, I passed out in the car, so my darling husband decided to just bring me home and tuck me into bed. Not before we ate Chinese food with my parents, of course.

Today we are just playing it low key, doing some gardening and playing with the Beeze. Tonight we’ll eat leftover Chinese and watch a few episodes of True Blood. Not a bad weekend, if I do say so myself.

Thanks to my husband for being so awesome and encouraging me to go out and have some fun, and thanks to Alex, Amy, Betsy, and Nikki for being such rock star ladies.

PS- Hi to Arell and Easton, my blog buddies who I finally got to meet face to face! A beautiful pregnant mama and one gorgeous little kiddo.

Play dates, pools, and corn on the cob

Summer continues over at the Bonaldo house. Over the weekend we picked up our new grill and I haven’t turned on the stove since. Okay, that’s not true, but you get the idea. On Sunday, Nene and Pop Pop came over for a little barbecue and Beezer enjoyed her first corn on the cob. I guess that means she’s a real kid now. I also went to a craft fair in Milford with my mom and Kristy and we bought this really cute bird house that is all set up out in the yard, so if there are any robins out there who read my blog, we have a beautiful house all ready for you to move in to. Just sayin'.

The past two days have been full of play dates and pools. Yesterday, we were lucky enough to host a little get together with the lovely Miss Loreli Elizabeth and her equally lovely mother, Christina. Ella B was kind enough to take a two hour nap so I could visit with the gals sans toddler, attention-seeking behavior and then woke up happy as a peach and super excited to see the “baby, baby, baby.” We blew some bubbles, played in our “pool” (okay, it’s a lobster pot, but Ella B doesn’t know that), and I did my best to keep Beezer’s fingers out of Loreli’s eyeballs. So, basically it was a great visit for everyone and I was so excited I forgot to take any pictures of Loreli for posterity or the blog. Sorry.

Next, we ventured over to Jessica’s house for some pool time. We swam, we played with rubber duckies, or “quack quacks” as Beezer calls them, ate some cheese and crackers, and met a really awesome Portuguese water dog named Body.

Today we had a little play date with Gina and Bella. Well, we mostly had a play date with Gina as Bella and Ella do not realize that synchronizing their napping schedules would make things a lot more convenient for their mothers. Actually, it probably worked out for the best because two fifteen-month-old girls arguing over baby dolls can only go on for so long before something’s gotta give (namely, mine and Gina’s patience). But it sure is cute to see those little girls together, especially when they kissed each other goodbye. So adorable! I felt like quite the oddball with all the Italian blood running through that house today. So many tan legs, I felt translucent!

And yes, this was the best picture I could get of them. Those little monsters never stand still! At least you can see how adorable Bella's outfit is.

So, the week is shaping up nicely. Thanks to all my ladies for making it a good one so far! And a special thanks to my mother who dropped off a real baby pool today. So, Christina, you can stop laughing at me now.