Balance

So, it's been a few weeks, but at least it hasn't been a month. I'm improving, a little.

Anyway, I went away last weekend. For three nights. For fun. Without my husband or my child. I know. Craziness. I've been away from her before, but only when Mike and I had a wedding or I had to go to training for work. This is the first time I've left her for more than one night just to have a good old time with my girlfriends. And yes, I did feel the obligatory mom guilt gnawing at me from the bottom of my stomach, but once I filled that puppy with Espresso martinis and lobster, that gnawing was replaced by another feeling all together. That feeling was "Freedom!" There. I said it. Staying up late, sleeping until 11:30 (are you serious?), and doing whatever I wanted to do during the day felt pretty amazing.

Even though I've only been a mom for three years, I have grown accustomed to the constant reminder of her presence. I always know where she is, what she's doing, whether or not she has pooped, if her hair is up or down (down- obviously), if she is wearing the Cinderella underwear or the Dora underwear (Cinderella- obviously), and even while we're both sleeping, it only takes one tiny "Mommy?" for my eyes to shoot open, ready for action. When you are a mom, you are always on-call, 24 hours a day.

I think that was the thing that initially freaked me out about motherhood. I had understood, of course, that this would be the case, but it wasn't until that first night in the hospital when Lost was over and I was ready to go to bed that I realized, "Oh my God. I don't get to just 'go to bed.' There is no "clocking out" of this job, no union to help me negotiate working conditions and personal days. No, there is only this very small and very unreasonable tyrant telling me I will never have five minutes to myself ever again!" This went on for quite some time. You've all heard the sob stories about my devil baby, so I won't bore you with them again.

But now, fully emerged from the baby fog, I realize that there is life after motherhood. That I can find the balance between my role as a parent and my role as a friend. This past weekend was about celebrating the end of single blessedness for my dear friend Alex, a girl I have literally been friends with for 27 years. Going away for the whole weekend seemed impossible when the idea was first presented, not because I didn't think my husband could handle Ella (he's always been better at it than me), but because it seemed like a lot to ask of him, and because, well, I am a mom now and moms aren't supposed to spend a weekend drinking booze and riding through P-town on something called a "Funk Bus" while their friend gets an impromptu lap dance by a stray lesbian off the street. Moms don't sleep until 11:30 and play Sexy Slang until the wee hours of the morning. But then I remembered that before I was a mom, I was a lot of other things, and namely, I was a friend who enjoyed the company of her girlfriends more than almost anything. This is a part of my identity, too, an important part of it that I want to cherish and cultivate, just as I want to cultivate the relationship with my husband and my child. The good thing is that these relationships have always felt stable to me, but it is the quality of those relationships that is tenuous. Partner, child, friend. I am lucky enough to have all of these things in my life, and I know that with that blessing comes an obligation to nurture these relationships every day. That's a lot to take on, but it's a job I'm lucky to have.

So, I relished the time with my girlfriends as much as I could, and when I got home on Monday, there was a smiling little person, no worse for wear, so excited to see me that she ran in front of my car, and I had to stop in the middle of the driveway, get out, and hug her. She wrapped her arms around me tighter than she ever had before and said, "I'm so glad you're home, Mommy!" She kept grabbing me intensely all week, saying over and over again, "I missed you Mommy. I missed you so much." And I took her in my arms, holding her little body against mine, and I relished that blessing, too.

Ella B taking over my spot in bed. 

Blizzard 2013

As I am writing this, I'm realizing that since I began this blog, I've written a lot of weather related posts. It's pretty amazing that in less than three years Ella has already lived through two hurricanes, a blizzard, and two Halloween snow storms. I don't know if it's global warming, but I do know that we've had some crazy weather up in here lately.

The blizzard may have been the craziest so far, at least where we live. I know Sandy did quite a number on some coastal towns, but for us, this was a bigger deal. Mike and I have never seen so much snow in our lives, and I guess that's what made it so exciting. We're use to watching her experience things for the first time, to see that glint of awe in her eyes, but this time, we all had that glint.The three of us couldn't stop staring out the window, watching the snow pour down from the sky, all of our eyes wide and our mouths dropped open.

Once the storm was over, the reality of three feet of snow set in. Ella wanted to go outside immediately, but Mike had a lot of work to do before that was possible. It took him about nine hours to snow blow the driveway, and Ella and I had to entertain ourselves with baking, and dancing, and painting, and coloring, and a whole lot of Toy Story and Ice Age. When we finally made it outside on Sunday, Beezer couldn't contain herself. She was so excited and immediately scurried on top of the three foot snow pile and proceeded to roll and flip and somersault her way into snow ecstasy. Mike decided to build her a snow fort, one my father would have hated, complete with secret underground tunnel ready to collapse at any moment. I watched from the house as they dug tunnels and threw snow balls at each other until he had to drag her inside for nap. She would have stayed out there forever.

The only bad part (besides all the snowblowing) was that Ella woke up on Friday with pink eye. So, there we were in the middle of a blizzard with no way to get any medicine. Luckily, I was able to get out Sunday morning, and I am so glad I did because I had never seen the world look like that before. It was so weird to see unplowed roads on every side of us, snow piles almost ten feet high, and more white than I could ever imagine.

A couple of warm days have melted a lot of the snow, and I can actually see some of our grass again. I'm glad it's almost over and I'll be getting back to work tomorrow, but I'm kind of glad I got to see the world looking so still and picturesque. I'm glad I got to see the world like Beezer does, full of wonder and amazement. The world through a three-year-olds eyes is pretty incredible.

Our first cooking adventure- Eggplant Parmesan. She was so serious about her jobs.

Yep, that's the snow line. Two feet.

That driveway takes a loooong time to snow blow

Inside the best fort ever. I'm kind of bummed it's all melted now.

Christmas Part 2

Okay, so it's mid-January and I'm still finishing my Christmas post. I know, I know, wrap it up Bonaldo. So, as I said, Christmas was pretty special this year, and not just because it was the first Christmas where Ella really understood all the magic and whatnot, but also because we had Mike's brother Tony, his wife Lisa, and their almost thirteen-year-old daughter Madelyn with us for the whole week. You may remember them from the blog post "Sweet Home from Alabama" way back in August of 2011 when we went to visit them in Alabama. Well, this time they came to us, saw our house for the first time, met most of my extended family and friends, and got to spend the craziness that was Christmas Day with us. We'd never had house guests before, so I was a little nervous about how things would go, how Ella would react, how I would get my house cleaned in time, etc., but everything ended up being pretty effortless (well, not the cleaning part, but everything else). We had a great time hanging out, eating lots of food, drinking a lot of wine, and marveling at the ridiculousness that is Ella B. They got such a kick out of her, and it was great for them to be here long enough for her to get comfortable with them. The only down side was that poor Madelyn had the flu and spent almost the whole week sleeping. We couldn't even wake her up to see the snow, and Ella kept asking, "Where's the girl from the couch?" Luckily, she was able to pull it together to head to New York and see Times Square and Rockefeller Center for the first time. That and the Taylor Swift tickets she got from her parents made her Christmas pretty awesome, anyway.

After everyone left, we cleaned up the house, threw out the leftover Christmas food, and got back to reality. It was nice to have a (somewhat) quiet house again, but I have to say that it made me realize how much I love a house full of people and laughter and food and noise. It was the first year that I was really bummed that the Christmas season was over, and I really am looking forward to many more years of that fullness.

PS- I totally want to add a bunch of pictures to this post, but for some reason, blogger is letting me. I'll try to figure it out!

Priceless

One Kindle Fire...$199.99

Watching a two-year-old teach her grandmother how to play Angry Birds...priceless

Fantastic Gymnastics

Here's that girl again doing what she does best, which is all the things I'm too afraid to do. Fantastic Gymnastics to you too Ella B.

First Snow

Yesterday we had an unexpected snow storm. Well, it wasn't totally unexpected, but when it started coming down in gentle wisps around fourth period, I had no idea that it would end up meaning dangerous driving in the afternoon and a snow day today. I also didn't know it would turn into a magical afternoon of snow games for me and Ella B.

When I picked her up from daycare, she had just woken up from her nap and didn't know that it was snowing yet. When I told her she lit up and ran to the window. I don't know how this is possible, but I am positive that this girl remembers last winter, and since the summer she has been asking me when it is going to be "snow time" again. We haven't talked much about snow time lately, so it was a totally unepxected way to wake up.

The whole (treacherous) drive home she was enthralled with the snow and couldn't wait to get home and build a snowman. When we got there, I realized I had no idea where any of her snow clothes were, and we were lucky enough to at least find her boots. I threw on Mike's snowboarding clothes and we headed out the door. 

Once we got down to this whole snowman business, I realized that I actually have no idea how to make a snowman. It turns out I'm completely inept when it comes to snowman building. I guess I'd never attempted to do it on my own, and really, I should never be allowed to do it again. Ella insisted that our decrepit snowblob have a face, so I ran inside and grabbed the first thing I could find, some multicolored goldfish, and set about giving old Frosty a mouth, button nose, and two eyes made out of, well, like I said, goldfish.

This all happened while the storm was actually going on, so it was windy and cold and wet and both of us were actually pretty miserable, but that stubborn little girl refused to admit it. I finally coaxed her inside with the promise of hot chocolate, but once we got in there she kept asking for more snow. So, I scooped a bunch of snow into a plastic cup and handed it to her with a spoon. She couldn't have been happier. She went and sat in the living room and finished every last drop of snow. She kept yelling into the kitchen, "Mom! This tastes like water!"as if this was very surprising.

This morning she decided to wake up at 4:30 am, so we spent a few hours snuggled on the couch and watched as the sun slowly illuminated the front yard. And whether you're two or thirty-one, or ninety-five, there is nothing so beautiful as a blanket of snow on a New England town.

Happy Snow Day.

Cold, wet, and loving every minute

Our sad, sad, snowman

Entertain me

During Hurricane Sandy our family was very lucky to have sustained no damage, no power outages, and no injuries. We did, however, deal with the difficulty of spending several days stuck in the house with a 2 1/2 year old who wasn't allowed to go outside. The weather started to turn on Monday morning, and my school, Ella's daycare, and Mike's office all closed in anticipation of the storm. Mike and I both had work to do so we switched on and off between Ella duty and work duty throughout the day. Ella was generally thrilled that we were all home for another day (mostly because it meant she could stay in her pajamas), but also because she had the two of us to interchangably entertain her, and entertain her we did. By 9:30 that morning she had already fingerpainted, played with Playdoh, played catch, changed into a tutu, and ridden her quad in the living room.

At some point she got into her bin of play clothes, and she kept coming into the office to show me her latest costume. She would come in wearing sunglasses, a scarf, and a hat, or her safari outfit, or her waitress outfit and announce what she was about to do. "Mommy, I'm going on a camping trip!"

I wondered how we were going to survive so many hours stuck in the house, but for the most part she surprised me with her new found ability to play by herself. This is a truly magical moment in the life of a parent, when you suddenly realize your child is not pulling at your pant leg, and in looking around realize she isn't even at arms length. You perk up your ears for a moment and hear the quiet nonsense noises of a little girl talking to herself. You quietly peer around the corner and find that there she is, nestled among her dollies, or surrounded by her kitchen supplies playing happily without you. You tiptoe away as quietly as you arrived and bask in the freedom of the next five minutes. You go to the bathroom, have a cup of coffee, watch a few minutes of the Cooking Channel, or make a phone call. You know it will end soon, but after so many years of doing everything with one arm, one eyeball, and one pant leg focused on her, you stop to enjoy this moment of not being pulled in any direction.

Of course, this doesn't last long, and before you know it you hear her yell, "Ready or not! Come and find me!" even though you never agreed to a game of hide and seek. At first, you can't find her, and for the first time you are actually impressed with her hiding abilities. After a minute you start to get a little nervous until you hear that unmistakable giggle coming from the bathroom. You look around until you see a tiny hand peeking out from the cabinet under the sink, and you are reminded once again that a 2 1/2 year old is pretty good at entertaining herself.

A Super Girl

For the second year in a row Halloween came with a huge storm that threatened to thwart all those long awaited trick-or-treat plans. Last year Halloween was moved to November 5th, but this year our town was lucky enough to emerge from another super storm relatively unscathed, so we had Halloween on October 31st, just like in the good old days.

Last year Ella was only one and a half on Halloween, so she basically sat in a wagon with her friend Violet as we paraded around the neighborhood in the dark. I think she spent most of the night wondering what the hell we were doing and why we were such irresponsible parents.

What a difference a year makes. This time, she couldn't wait for "Pumpkin Day" to arrive and decided on her costume months in advance. Well, she decided on a costume months in advance. Since September she's been telling me that she would be a princess for Halloween. She told her teacher, Miss Meghan, my parents, and even her classmate's mother Kate that she was going to be a princess. Then, all of a sudden, she said she was going to be a ballerina. Fine, whatever. I hadn't bought a costume yet, so it didn't really matter. She stuck with the ballerina thing for quite a while, so as Halloween approached, we headed to Target for some tights and ballet shoes. Somehow we ended up in the Halloween aisle, and that's when Ella spotted the "super girl" costume. She fell in love immediately and said she wanted to be super girl for Halloween. It only cost $18, but I know how fickle toddler/preschoolers can be, so I didn't want to waste the money if she was never going to wear it. We must have stood in that aisle for ten minutes while I asked, "El, are you sure you want to be super girl and not a princess or a ballerina?" until I finally bit the bullet and bought the costume. When we got home, she couldn't wait to put it on and proceeded to wear her costume all day and night. I was pretty sure that we'd never be able to get that costume off. Of course, while having breakfast with my parents the next day I asked her to tell Nene and PopPop what she was going to be for Halloween. Her reply? A ballerina.

Luckily, she forgot all about the princesses and ballerinas by Halloween morning. That afternoon, Mike, Nene, and I went to watch the Halloween parade at school. Then, we headed over to Arlo and Violet's for some Halloween treats, including a witch's brew filled with God knows what and marshmallows. It was a great way to start the evening before we headed out around 5:30. We were definitely the first ones out, but others soon followed.

This year, Ella walked around the block all by herself (mostly) and couldn't wait to ring the doorbell. I had to nudge her a little to say "trick-or-treat," but she did it, and even mumbled an obligatory "thank you" now and then.

We collected a fair share of candy and Michael and I made sure to snag a few peanut butter cups for ourselves. We even got some pumpkin vodka and chocolate liqueur from our very generous neighbors. Before she went to bed, I had to wrestle her candy bag out of her hands. We decided to hide it in the guest room, or "Auntie Jessica's room" as Ella calls it, so "nobody takes it." Unfortunately, somebody did take a few pieces after she went to bed. How many years are you allowed to steal Halloween candy from your children?

Hope you all had a "super" Halloween!

Apple picking, one year later

Last weekend we went apple picking again, almost exactly one year later with the same awesome neighbors and the addition of my parents. I was looking at these two pictures of us from last year and this year and I started thinking about all the changes that have happened to Ella in the past year. Obviously 0-1 marks the biggest change in terms of physically going from being a crying, gelatinous blog, to learning to walk and talk, but really, the changes that happen from one to two are nothing short of miraculous. I was looking at some blog posts from a year ago, and I realized that last year at this time she was just learning to put words together to form sentences. She was saying "yesth" instead of "yes" and calling a blanket a "nanight." Now, she uses words like "actually" and "definitely" and requires me to "tell the truth." When I pick her up from daycare and ask her about her day, she says, "I don't want to talk about it." She tells Mike that he is her boyfriend, and when she finally gets in the bathtub after fighting us about it, she says, "See, that wasn't so bad." Now she has hair that streams down her back when she's in that tub, and when I look at her little body, I can already see it slimming out. She's getting those "kid legs" that come from spending days running and jumping like a real kid, not a baby, or even a toddler. She has cuts and scrapes now that I've never even kissed, and she knows what it means to pinky promise. She knows how to remember things, and when I first told her we were going apple picking, she said, "With Arlo and Violet? Like last year? Remember, Mom?" Yeah, buddy, I do remember. I'll try to always remember all of it, but when I don't, please remind me.

Ella B in NYC (the remix)

This weekend, Ella B took her second trip to NYC and this time she got to sleep over. The anticipation of this almost destroyed her. When I told her we were going to stay at Aunty Jessica's apartment and sleep in Aunty Jessica's bed, she just about died. I, of course, was dying to know how this was all going to work out.

We made plans to run/walk/stroll in this charity event for Big Brothers Big Sisters that Jessica's boyfriend, Alan, is apart of. I decided it would be easier to go in Friday night and sleep at Jess's than to take the train Saturday morning. Of course, this meant that Ella would have to sleep somewhere other than her crib. It also meant she would have to sleep in a regular bed in an apartment that is about the size of her bedroom. There were some very real fears about how this was going to work out.

We decided that it was best if she and I slept in the bed and Mike took the couch. The problem was how to get her to bed and whether or not I would be able to get up again once she was down. Luckily, she went down pretty easily. We took a bath, read a few books, had a bottle (I mean, what? My two-year-old doesn't drink out of a bottle. That's ridiculous. Anyway...), and then I shut out the lights and pretended to go to sleep. We told her that daddy had to "go to work" so he wouldn't be forced to lie down, too. This meant, however, that he had to sit in the living room/ non-functioning kitchen and occupy himself while remaining fairly silent. Every time Ella heard him clear his throat, she'd say:

"I think daddy's downstairs."

"There is no downstairs El, go to sleep."

She also kept putting her hand on my face and whispering, "Mommy, open your eyes."

Eventually, she gave up, rolled over and fell asleep. I was able to stealthily sneak out and sneak back in undetected. She slept through the night with no problems. I, on the other hand, kept waking up to find a tiny hand draped across my face, or a foot in my crotch. Now I know why she always wakes up with a huge knot in her hair. That girl doesn't stop moving.

In the morning, we headed over to Alan's apartment where Ella couldn't wait to tell Jess, "I slept in your bed last night." We went to Riverside Park and got ready for the race. Ella was especially excited that Dora was there and we got to take a picture with her. Mike narrowly avoided a traumatizing moment when he and Ella were following Dora as she went into a little tent. Suddenly, Dora started to remove her head, and Mike quickly turned around telling Ella, "Dora has to go potty right now."

We ran/walked/and strolled our way around the park and ate a few Whole Foods sandwiches at the end. Ella was excited to see "a lot of Franklins" which were really just Ninja Turtles, but she didn't know the difference.

The highlight for her was probably when we started and impromptu parachute party. She desperately wanted to hold up the parachute lying on the ground, but with only the three of us, it was pretty difficult. A few people joined us and before we knew it, we had formed a group and the kids were running and laughing underneath the parachute every time we lifted it up. Ella was afraid at first, but soon she was running underneath between Mike and I, laughing the whole way.

She never napped, so we called it a day soon after that. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and went to bed pretty early. All in all, it was a successful trip to the city, and Ella had another first. Her first sleepover in NYC, something I didn't do until I was probably 18. Ella B, you are so much cooler than me.

Sleepover party

 Last weekend we were lucky enough to have a four-legged house guest. He goes by the name of Bowie McGee and is the "child" of our good friends Amy and Mike. I awoke bright and early Saturday morning to a text message by Amy telling me our little friend was waiting downstairs and Ella and I rushed to greet her. Now, I have always been a dog person,and this is by far the longest period of time that I have ever gone without a dog in my life. It hurts a little bit to know that Ella doesn't have a dog of her own, mostly because I always thought our beloved pitbull/bulldog, Niko, would be her childhood pet. When Niko passed away, I figured we would get a new dog eventually, but on most days the truth is that I don't want another dog, I just want Niko back, and so our house remains pawless, and Ella remains petless.

Enter Miss Bowie into our lives for one short weekend and the toddler/beagle magic began to work its charms. Ella could not have been more excited and did not leave Bowie alone for one second of her visit. She pretended as if Bowie was just another friend who would want to play with her.

"Bowie, I'm gonna take your temperature." (That one made me pause and take a look).

"Does Bowie like headbands?" (Answer: No). 

"Bowie, let's play hide and seek. You hide first!"

"Bowie, watch me ride my bike."

And just as we all get annoyed when our friends don't listen to us, the love affair between Bowie and Ella had its problems, too.

"She's not hiding!"

"She's not watching me ride my bike."

Trying to explain to a two-year-old why a dog won't follow her orders is like trying to explain anything to a two-year-old. It doesn't work. But overall, they had a great time together. Bowie is the most patient toddler toy I have ever seen and she was handsomely rewarded with snuggles and chicken after Ella went to sleep. Just don't tell Amy about the chicken.

Overall, it definitely got those dog ideas swirling in our minds, but no progress yet. For now, I am only responsible for cleaning up one creatures poop, and that's fine with me. Mike's dad brought over two fish a few weeks ago, so we'll start there and see where it takes us. Who knows, maybe next week we'll get a hermit crab.

My own little 'Lympian'

This summer has been all about the Olympics, or as Ella would say the "Lympics" and our house has been no exception. My husband could spend all day, everyday watching whatever sport is on (handball, ping pong, race walking- yes, that is a legit sport in the Olympics), and Ella has started to follow suit. While we get her lotioned, and brushed, and diapered, and dressed after her bath at night, she usually watches a show to keep her sitting and distracted. Lately, we will ask her if she wants to watch one of her shows or the Olympics, and sometimes she says, "Lympics- I want to watch swimming." While she will watch other sports, swimming seems to be her favorite. She is fascinated by how quickly those men and women can race down the length of the pool, "really fast like an otter," and how they wear goggles and go "all the way under water." She likes to jump on the bed naked and yell, "USA! USA!" as if it really means something to her.

Swimming as her sport of choice is not really random. She has spent a lot of time in the pool this summer figuring out the whole swimming thing for herself. Recently, we went shopping for flotation devices and I let her pick the one she wanted to wear. It is a pink number with one floaty in the back and one in the front that are attached between her legs. From the minute we bought it, she has been asking to wear it in the pool, "so I don't sink."

The thing that amazes me most about this girl is how physically adept she is. As with rolling over, crawling, and walking, she pretty much learned how to swim in a week. Our neighbors who have a pool went away and gave us full reign of the backyard, so Ella B was in their pool everyday, two hours a day, for five days straight. In that time, she went from asking me to hold her, to telling me to let go of her, to learning to kick her legs, to learning how to swim away from me, saying, "Bye! I'm going to New York City!" She also likes to jump into the pool from the ladder and tells me to "move back, Mom. No, farther!"

Because I was never an athlete, I am constantly in awe of  her fearlessness, her determination, and her understanding of how to use her body to learn something. I know she is only two, but I think all these traits are the mark of a true athlete. I'm certain that sports will come easily to her, and I'm looking forward to standing on the sidelines and cheering her on- my wide eyes full of admiration and wonder. 

Summer Olympics 2028, here we come!

Ella B in NYC

Phase three of embracing the disaster came in the form of a little trip to New York City. Jessica has been asking us to come to New York for ages, and I finally decided Ella B and I were ready for the excursion. It helped that Jess was home that day and we were all able to board the train together and head down. Ella loved the train. She spent most of the time staring out the window, or "ruining" the pictures Jess was trying to color. She keeps telling people she went on a big school bus, but it was definitely a train.

Once we got there, we headed over to the Central Park Zoo. All Ella cared about was seeing the polar bear, so we were really hoping he would be out and about. Mr. Polar Bear did not disappoint, and ever since she has been imitating his swimming style. She wasn't really into any of the other animals, so we went to the petting zoo where she could get her hands on some goats, llamas, cows, etc. and that perked her up, but what she was really excited about was the pigeons. This girl is a true animal lover and all she wants to do is pet and cuddle every animal she sees. Much to her chagrin, wild birds don't really like to be pet. So, she spent about ten minutes focused on chasing a pigeon. I assumed her efforts were futile, until, of course, she actually caught the pigeon! Everything about the trip paled in comparison to that.

 Another highlight was seeing a random guy dressed as Elmo. Ella just about died, and it wasn't until we snapped some pictures with him that I noticed his knee pads and fanny pack. Weird.

 We met Alan for lunch at a nearby pub that also has tables you can write on with crayons, a score for anyone trying to actually eat food with a toddler present. 

Finally, we headed over to Dylan's Candy Shoppe and blew Ella's mind once more with a lollipop the size of her head. The whole place is decorated with bright colors, booths shaped like giant cupcakes, and even a bar. I really think this would be the perfect place for a kid or an adult party.

As we headed back to the train station after a fun-filled day, Ella promptly fell asleep in the stroller covered in lollipop, sunscreen, and sweat looking so disgusting that people were giving me dirty looks. I didn't care. Her disheveled appearance was the mark of a truly great day. 

The Whole Wide World

Major adventure number two of the summer was a girls only mini-vacation to Cape Cod. One of my girlfriends from work has a house in Dennisport, so Amy, Ella, and I headed up there last week to enjoy a few days of girls only fun. I, of course, was petrified to be on vacation with my little two going on sixteen ball of toddlerness, but I went anyway. I decided today actually that the theme for this summer is "Embrace the Disaster." There was really no chance that Cape Cod was going to go perfectly. I was with a two-year-old, without my husband, and in an unfamiliar place. Because Ella was such a difficult baby and we were forced to put her on a really strict routine about where and when she slept, she has become accustomed to that routine and doesn't do well with change. She likes her crib, her bath tub, her stuff, and her space, so there were bound to be some tantrums and tears.

There were definitely some difficulties along the way. She cried pretty hard the first night when I put her down to sleep, but it only lasted about fifteen minutes. She wouldn't nap in the pack n' play, but she did sleep for a good two hours in the car. There were some bratty moments here and there, but there was also this glorious thing called "the beach." Everyone knows that I am not a beach person (reference any picture available of my translucent skin). I have always found it to be pretty hot and sandy and boring, and I wasn't really looking forward to spending three days lounging on the shore. Of course, once you have a child, there's never really any lounging anyway, which turned out to be a good thing for us. I realized that while I don't really like being a grown-up on the beach, I do still like being a kid on one. It turns out that building sand castles, giving Ella mermaid legs, collecting shells, and running from "sharks" (a.k.a Amy) in the water is just as much fun now as it was when I was a kid, maybe even more so because now I get to see the glint of fun and excitement in her eyes as well.

One moment in particular that I will remember was when we swam out "really deep" as Ella would say and turned to look back at the shore. She held out her arm in a very grown-up sweeping motion and said, "The whole wide world." I don't know where she got that phrase, or what she meant by it, but it felt like an important moment to me. It felt like she was telling me, "Pay attention, Mom. This is a good moment. Be here with me right now and breathe it in." And I did. I let everything else go, and I relished the sun on my face, the water all around, and the little girl with her arms around my neck, and I was so glad to be seeing the "whole wide world" with her.

A special thanks also to Amy and Ali for making that trip happen, and for being so patient with my little one. She can't wait for her next "bacation."

It's not always fun to be right.

From my earlier posts, you know that my husband is a fearless, "Sure, why not" kind of guy, while I am more of a, "Gosh, I don't know" sort of girl. This helps to balance our relationship, but it also causes a lot of strife. A few weeks ago, our friend Alex organized a little camping trip with some other parents and kids and invited us to go along. That's right. Camping. Outside. In a tent. With a two-year-old. Don't get me wrong. I love to camp. I am happier in the woods than just about anywhere else, but that red-flag side of my personality came to life and squealed, "Ella going to sleep in a tent? This is going to be a complete disaster." To which my husband replied, "You think everything is going to be a disaster." Cue the giant fight in the car. I'll spare you the details, but ultimately Mike won and soon we were camping bound with our tent and a tiny little sleeping bag for Miss Ella B. 

Now, the title of this post indicates that I was right. I was and I wasn't. Let's begin with the wasn't part. Camping was not a disaster. We swam in the lake, took a family boat ride, roasted marshmallows, made new friends, and overall, had a really awesome time as indicated below.

Super excited about the boat ride and the life jacket. Also, she is obsessed with her water shoes and wants to wear them everyday. She now calls Target the "water shoes" store.

Eating lunch with her new friends Emmett, Ned, and Finn

In her new camping chair, ready to make her first s'more.

With Larry

Caterpillar

 These pictures definitely prove that our camping trip was mostly a success. Ella had a great time and so did we. The failure part came as the sun began to set. All day she was in love with the idea of sleeping in a tent. She loved her little sleeping bag and the idea that mommy and daddy would be sleeping right next to her. She loved hiding and playing in the tent and thought the whole thing was pretty great, until, of course, it was actually time to sleep in the tent. We read books, we pretended to go to sleep with her, we let her stay up late in hopes that she would pass out, but she was having none of it. She finally looked at Mike and said, "Want to go home," with these big tired eyes. Quite shockingly, Mike looked at me and said, "You were right. I was wrong." Now, these are not easy words for my husband to say. I'm glad I was sitting at the time or I might have fallen right over. I was right. She wasn't ready to sleep in a tent, so Mike packed her up, put her in the car and drove home. He told me to stay and enjoy myself and that he'd come back in the morning.

As I watched his tail lights disappear behind the trees, I should have been thrilled. Not only did my husband admit that I was right about something, but he also gave me the whole night off to enjoy with my friends. So why did I feel so defeated as they drove away? Because sometimes you really do hope you are wrong. As much as I can't stand to hear him say, "See, she's fine," whenever Ella succeeds at something I don't think she is ready for, it is always worth it because it means we are doing something fun together. The truth is, I would have gladly traded my "rightness" to have my little family sleeping together in that tent so I could wake up to her smiling face right next to me.

I went to bed feeling a little sad and a little lonely, but in the morning, when Mike and Ella returned, I remembered that camping is not just about sleeping in a tent. It's about campfires, and caterpillars, and swimming, and getting good and dirty, and laughing with friends. Ella may not be ready to sleep in a tent, but she is ready for the fun of a camping trip, and she enjoyed every minute of it.

This time around, I was mostly right. I can only hope that next time I'll be completely wrong. That would be the best.

Operation Awesome Summer: The Sequel

This post is coming in a bit late, mostly because "Operation Awesome Summer: The Sequel" is off to a bit of a slow start. If you read the first post in this series "Operation Awesome Summer" than you know that I am not always very good at summer vacation. I know, all you none summer vacation people are thinking that I am a big jerk, but every year it seems my good intentions amount to very little tangible summer fun, and when people ask, "So what'd you do this summer?" I reply a harrumph and say, "nothing" like a grumpy teenager after school. But just as last summer was way better than my first summer as a mom, I think this summer has the potential to be even better. In my personal experience, since one-year-olds are way better than babies, than two-year-olds must be way better than one-year-olds. Therefore, with the advent of the regular nap and the improvement in communication and motor skills, summer should just keep getting better and better. These were my thoughts as summer got underway this year, and I was excited to be able to spend my days running and playing with my full-fledged kid.

Who could have guessed that it would be me who derailed our best laid plans, not Beezer? On day two of summer vacation (that's right- day two) I decided to be productive and get a little weeding done with the beeze. We have some pretty unruly weeds growing behind our shed and I wanted to take advantage of Ella's love of dirt and worms to both play and get something done, every mother's goal for a day spent with a child. Being the absent-minded bonehead that I am, I failed to notice the poison ivy I pulled out of the ground and apparently rubbed all over my face (really? my face?). Two days later, my face looked like that witch from last season's True Blood had put a hex on it, and I was officially miserable. I didn't want to go in the sun, or be around people, and sitting in the house made me think of nothing but itching. Ella was going stir crazy, I was going itch crazy, and it all turned into a grumpy summer mess just two weeks in. I admit, I gave myself a good long time to wallow. Then, I rubbed some Calamine lotion on my face and said, we need to do something fun.

It had to be something special if it was going to jolt me out of my poison ivy funk. It also had to be cool (both in temperature and fun factor). The solution to this problem is called Kid City. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. It is essentially a giant house filled with room upon room of imaginary worlds. Ella was particularly fond of the fishery where she collected fish off a conveyor belt and carried them to another conveyor belt (honestly, she would have spent the whole day there. I am seriously considering getting a conveyor belt and a bunch of plastic fish). She also liked the fence that you could "paint" with water and brushes. Okay, looking at this description from your perspective, it doesn't sound too great, but I am telling you that there is a lot of stuff to do besides sorting fish and painting fences. Check it out.

Anyway, it was the kind of easy, fun morning we needed to get ourselves back on track. We've got a week chock full of plans ahead of us including playground excursions, library storytimes, and even camping (more on that later). Here are some of the other summer plans we have in store:

1. Cape Cod
2. New York City
3. Beardsley Zoo
4. Maritime Museum
5. Stepping Stones
6. Brooksvale Park
7. Hiking up a big mountain (per Ella's request)
8. Swimming
9. Visiting family and friends
10. Not getting poison ivy

That last one isn't very fun, but is one of my new summer priorities. Hope you guys are having a fun, itch-free summer yourselves.

Llamas and Frogs

I know I've said it before, but we absolutely love Ella's daycare. Yesterday, she got to touch both a llama and a frog! The llama is actually housebroken and just walked right into the classroom. Fearless Nelly over here walked right up to him and gave him a little pet. She said his fur was soft and that he kept doing this (insert image of her head butting me). Then she got to play with the class frogs outside of their habitat. She sat on the floor with the frog in her hand and Shauna was able to snap this glee-filled picture. Just after it was taken, the frog hopped up and hit her in the mouth. Ella keeps telling me how the frog "kissed" her and was jumping "crazy everywhere." I asked her if he turned into a prince and she said, "No, he's just a frog." Better luck next time Beezer.Sounds like a pretty awesome day at school. I'm pretty jealous.

Hope your day is filled with llamas and frogs, or whatever else makes you happy!

Wordless Wednesday: Cousins

K.I.M.

A few weeks ago we went to the Maritime Aquarium (or the "K.I.M" as Ella calls it) with Andrea, Steve, Arlo, and Violet. The kids had a great time looking at the fish, turtles, otters, and everything else aquatic. I was most excited about the stingray pool where we got to dip our hands in and touch their slimy backs. Ella kept putting her hands in and saying "touch them, touch them," but as soon as they'd swim over, she would get scared and pull her hands away.

For some reason there was also meerkat exhibit at the aquarium so we got to chill with some cute rodents, too. They had one of those plastic domes underneath the exhibit that we got to sit inside and watch the meerkats from.

We finished with a trip to the gift shop to pick up some pirate tattoos and called it a day. We left at 12:30 and Ella was asleep in her carseat by 12:45. All in all, a pretty successful first trip to the aquarium (I mean, K.I.M). The best part is that now when she swims in the bathtub she likes to say she "swims really fast like an otter." Of course, this has trickled into other parts of her life so that she now does everything "really fast like an otter" such as coloring or mixing eggs for an omelet. As far as she's concerned, otters are the fastest things ever. So, there's that.

A post my husband will love

There is nothing my husband loves more than to prove me wrong (and to keep reminding me about it). So, here you go Michael. You were right. Bringing Beezer to the Poconos was not a total disaster. And yes, I did have a lot of fun. Okay? Enough.

Rewind to about a month ago when Alex and Larry asked us if we wanted to spend the weekend in the Poconos with them and a few of their friends. Of course, Alex and Michael were in cahoots from the very beginning trying to figure out how to convince me to go. Truth be told, I didn't want to go. Well, I didn't want to go with Beezer. I wasn't looking forward to a three-hour road trip with a toddler, or figuring out how to get her to sleep in a strange place, or how to keep everyone quiet after seven without being a total jerk, or how to stay up late and still get up early and not be a crab the next day.

Clearly, I was not too keen on the idea, but my eternally non-nonchalant husband finally wore me down and I agreed to go. I was most worried about the drive down, but thank God for portable DVD players and big bags of Goldfish. I sat in the back so I could entertain her and keep her company. I asked her about her day, sang songs, and danced to the radio until she looked at me, pointed at the front seat and said, "Mommy- up there." From that point on she was in Kai-Lan/Diego/Dora/Blue's Clues lala land. Feel free to judge. I don't care.

Once we got there it was straight to bed. The next morning was a little rough as we'd stayed up until 1:30 and then Beezley decided to get up at 5:15. That hurt. But once everyone else woke up and Ella got used to all the people, she become her little hammy self and captured everyone's attention. She especially loved the boys and always wanted to be in "Larry's room." She insisted on eating Alex's ice cubes and touching Kofi's puffy slippers.

The best part of all came when Genny, Jake, their baby Penny, and their dog Grizzly showed up. Ella fell in love with Grizzly and wouldn't leave him alone. The rest of us fell in love with four month old Penny and wouldn't leave her alone. She never knew who would be holding her next. I was pretty impressed with Ella for letting me hold Penny for quite a while. A good sign for the future, I hope. It was also nice to have other parents there who understood the importance of little person sleep. Also, I'm pretty much in love with my new friend Genny.

So, overall it was a successful trip. The weekend was filled with tiny giggles, awesome food, silly games, too little sleep, and a lot of really great people, and we would have really missed out on a good time if we'd stayed home. Thank you Michael for making me go.